Some Things Take Time

So I’ve been thinking a lot about impotence lately.  Totally because of several close calls and one bona fide occurrence.  I’ve also been thinking about how the most popular post on this blog by far was my bitching about how the blow jobs have vanished.  Gone, like the buffalo and the unicorns:

There really is no mystery about the unicorn myth, for what it’s worth.  Skittish-yet-majestic mountain of muscle with one prominent, usually spiral-ridged, horn projecting from where its brain should be? Appears exclusively to virgins or innocent maids? Just STAAAAHP.  We get it. Continue reading Some Things Take Time

A New Way to Half-Ass

Did I point out that this site has a real deal events calendar yet?  I did? I’m doing it again.  Not because I expect it to honestly become a thing that I update and which people check regularly, but to take the opportunity to point out that a woman I slept with is participating in one of these events.  ON STAGE.  I need a win, however tenuous:  She’s successful, we boned, therefore I’m successful-by-proxy.

Or is that sad-and-alone? Tough to tell.

Anyway, check it out here if you’re looking for something to do.  You might find something, but probably not!

Is this Progress?

Now, I find myself having #thoughts about morning sex, and I kind of want to ramble about those.  But I probably won’t, other than to posit that I maybe don’t quite get it (I mean, I get “it”; I just don’t “get” it).  Instead, I’ve decided that maybe a calendar of what’s going on in NY this weekend/next week of the summertivity variety would be more funducive to funjoyment.  Can I get a youtube link in here first? I dunno, I haven’t “discovered” anything good lately.  Woe, woe is me. This is pretty and summery though:

So, I start with the Skint’s movie list, remove the films I’m super definitely not going to see, and add shit from all the links here, and more placezzz. I might update as I filter through my promotions inbox and get MOAR DEETZ.

Oh, Sunsets
Oh, Sunsets

GET YOUR CAMERAPHONE OUT BOY!! It’s MANHATTANHENGE!!! (that thing when the sun lines up parallel to the numbered streets in Manhattan and everyone gawks and hides their solitary tear for the joy of random beauty filling their hearts)

Here Dat Calendar, Now. Week of this one.

Saturday 7/11 An overwhelming mash of choices that involve effort.  Might just play video games and order a pizza, but I’ll be sad I did.

  • Free Slurpees.  Don’t even waste your time trying.
  • Baby’s All Right: Baby Birds Don’t Drink Milk, Mega Bog, Julie Byrne, Leisure – 8pm
  • Cameo Gallery: Braeves, Good Graeff – 8pm
  • Prospect Park (FREE): The New Pornographers, Thao & The Get Down Stay Down – 7ish pm
  • E. Billburg Mystery Venue – Dance party with headphonez only silent disco thang on the roof of said mystery place (now announced)

Sunday 7/12 – Almost too hot for the beach but you should go because it’s SUNNY, fucker.

  • Go see a pay, indoor movie.
  • Go to the new Whitney.
  • Underachieve, feel bland.
  • That Sculpture Garden in Queens. Florent Ghys plays post-pop stuff. 3pm. Impress your friends, probably don’t enjoy yourself.
  • Grand Army Plaza – Food Truck Armageddon.  “Activity” of last resort to fill the middle hours before your ambition wanes.
  • Waystation (Prospect Heights) – The Princess Bride – 4pm
  • Mr. Sunday – Sunset Park – 3 to 9pm – Maybe finally do this Dance Party in Bottom Brooklyn before they move it all to Ridgewood.

Monday 7/13 -Fight the fact you’re back at work by throwing yourself into something performative tonight.

  • Littlefield – Night Train – Wyatt Cenac won’t be there, so neither will you.
  • Union Hall – World of Boning – sex ed-based comedy show. Probably do this. Sit in the back and cackle with abandon, then leave before the lights go up.
  • Back to the Future II (1989), Randall’s island park
  • Caddyshack (1980), Crown Victoria.  Who’m I kidding, it’s Monday, I’m not going to a goddamn bar in Williamsburg to watch a fucking movie.

Tuesday  TEE BEEE DEEE, okaaaay?!

And all the rest of the week, too.  I got ice creamz to eat.  Byeeeeeee.

 

No, what are YOU going to do?

Well. It’s full on Summer in NYC.  Summer sets off a cascade of intense FOMO in the exiled hermit, because there’s just SO MUCH shit going on.  Every year I scramble to get on top of the events, free outdoor movies, free outdoor concerts, museums-turned-dance-parties, free ice creamz, beach outings, topless parades, and multitude of paid shit that’s generally even better than all that rubbish.  I actually do a fairly good job grabbing summer by the balls and squeezing all the sunshiney juices from it.  Continue reading No, what are YOU going to do?