SNL cast hangs with hot chicks

Ok, so the story of the date with Reese has to go on hold for a second.  I need to get something terrible off my chest:

I have Saturday Night Live cast friend envy.  I want want want to be pals with the cast of SNL.

I think it started with the new open they came out with maybe a few years ago… obviously shot on a canon 5d (but maybe not)… with the little vignettes of each cast member out on the town in NY at night.  If you haven’t really watched it, it’s basically got each cast member in a situation that might happen to someone hanging out in NY on a Friday night.  Like that one chick outside of Arlene’s Grocery, or what’s-his-name getting drunk with some Japanese businessmen, or another guy on the strip in Coney Island.  Rooftop BBQ’s, cruisin the Bowery with some hip friends.  You know, just bein’ New Yorkers and sech.  I love that I can’t for the life of me remember their names right now.  Considering last night’s date conversation.  And Thursday’s date conversation.  Lots o’ namedroppin’.

Or maybe it started when a coworker/friend of mine was complaining that his ex girlfriend slash roommate slash future girlfriend was getting the runaround from this dude who happened to be on SNL.  “Oh, really?” I asked.

“Yeah, he keeps texting her when he wants to hook up, but he clearly doesn’t even really remember who she is.  He just sends super generic texts, like all exclamation points or random ‘funny’ words.”

“Hmm,” I says… “Soo… your ex is hooking up with a Saturday Night Live cast member?”  I’m kind of in disbelief, but his tone had been so matter-of-fact and his focus had been so ..focused on the lameness of the texts that I was sort of swept up into playing along.  Like, “Oh yeah, tell me about it, those SNL dudes are ALWAYS sending lame texts to girls I know.”

Anyway, his next point was that this was Fred Armisen.  “Who isn’t even funny at all.”  Not funny.  And I could totally see where he was coming from, I mean he was definitely still burning a flame for this girl, and she pretty much had zero chance with this Fred guy, and a lot of times SNL skits just fall short.  So yeah maybe he isn’t funny.  Which obviously makes it so much worse.  (huh?).  This was around the beginning of the rise of the Kristen Wiig. THE Kristen Wiig (I’m incidentally appalled that being in love with her from afar is actually a cliche now! COME ON!).  Anyhoozle, I go, “Yeah, he’s like the least funny,” and resolve to watch that weekend and judge for myself.

Cut to me on my couch laughing uncontrollably, covered in spilled popcorn and booze, reddened face, open fist pounding the coffee table.  Fred Armisen was hilarious that night.  Also, I am definitely exaggerating, but he was pretty funny, and definitely clever and good at “being funny.”  Oh well.  So that’s when I started thinking about them as real people I might someday get tangled up with socially.  Because really, this girl has ZERO NY clout.  I think she met him bartending.  In Times Square. See?  He’s totally not that cool.  Tooootally.

The partying with peeps show opener only rubs it in.

So the whole fucking point of this big rambling mess is this: I went on two dates last week.  Both of the girls spent a large portion of the night talking about their good friends who are SNL cast members (one girl was Reese, the other was let’s call her Sweden).  And really, “when you get to know them they are just regular people like you and me.  Not at all intimidating, but really great guys.”  Really great guys.  Yes.  The dudes.  They very definitely didn’t happen to mention how cool and sweet and talented the ladies are.

Also, yes Fred Armisen was mentioned by both! AAAAAhahahaha! I mean, why the hell not?  I think the real jealousy I have is of the life of a young hip attractive SNL cast member.  Basically minor NY royalty, but cool too.  As in, you get a free pass to act fucking nuts, then switch gears and be “real,” and then maybe eat sushi off some 25 year old grad student’s ass because it might be hilarious you never know.  Right, guys? Wouldn’t that be fucking amazing? hahaha

But it actually would be, yeah.

Comments. Addenda

Ok, first and foremost.  Comments.  If you are reading this blog, let me know you exist by chiming in or saying howdy.  In the future I’ll try to create some discussion worthy posts, with questions and such.  Or don’t comment.  But it could be fun.  You can do it completely anonymously.  No need to enter any private info, just put a nickname and you can post!  Sweet, i know.  Click it NOW!

The juicy bits: I closed my okcupid account.  Ok I just disabled it this time (yes, I have been here before).  Only this time, instead of it being like I’m fleeing from the crush of psychotic and mediocre girls desperately clamoring to slice my skin off and wear it as a hipster-suit, it’s a more reasoned and deliberate flight.  I have some very convincing reasons (to me) for why online dating will never work for me as more than a place to meet friends who I might possibly sleep with.  Except I seem to not be interested in that at all.  Basically, the process of browsing through potential matches and trying out some and ditching others is too much like shopping online.  It sucks out the excitement of real life.  Plus I was addicted to the constant, mild ego boost.

Also, I have purchased two badges to the northside festival, and I suggest you check it out if you want your hipster friends to like you.  I will like you even if you don’t.  Too lazy? It’s like if some hipsters in Brooklyn woke up and realized that all the bands that make other festivals hop actually LIVE HERE.  So they all ALL are booked and playing in June in the hipster triangle.  I’m just hoping I find someone to share the extra badge with, but I’m sure this time I’ll be able to sell it.

Lastly, check out the Leila (pronounced Lila) texts blog here. It’s mildly funny. The concept is that this girl gets every text on Verizon addressed to “Leila”. Which apparently Verizon lets you text to a name… who knew?  I’ve met this girl and she’s hilarious.  The hilarity doesn’t quite come across on the screen, but it’s still fun.