Meet Me Tomorrow, We’ll Be Fucking

So, my suicidal, tattooed friend who loves anal sex and getting punched in the face (preferably during) recently had a date planned with a guy she’s referring to as “That Irish Guy.”  The date was basically him coming over.  That’s it.  They were just going to have sex, and maybe order food.  She complained to me that it didn’t sound very exciting or interesting, but she’d already basically consented, so she guessed she’d go through with it.

Another friend of mine (in London), who loves none of those things and gets squeamish at the word “vagina,” had a guy coming over to her houseboat to hang out.  He pushed for a “no-sex” sleepover and she agreed.  She texted me before he arrived, totally dejected and wishing she was having a regular date.  Staring down the barrel of being with someone she hardly knows for a good 14 hours, and knowing that it would probably have to kick off with sex (even though they totally weren’t supposed to) had her incredibly down.

This type of thing is happening a lot lately and I think it’s really interesting how we (meaning, anecdotally speaking, the people around me who are dating, which I take as indication that it’s happening all over a LOT MORE frequently) are pre-arranging sex more and more often and getting less and less interested in actually seeing it through. Continue reading Meet Me Tomorrow, We’ll Be Fucking

Some Things Take Time

So I’ve been thinking a lot about impotence lately.  Totally because of several close calls and one bona fide occurrence.  I’ve also been thinking about how the most popular post on this blog by far was my bitching about how the blow jobs have vanished.  Gone, like the buffalo and the unicorns:

There really is no mystery about the unicorn myth, for what it’s worth.  Skittish-yet-majestic mountain of muscle with one prominent, usually spiral-ridged, horn projecting from where its brain should be? Appears exclusively to virgins or innocent maids? Just STAAAAHP.  We get it. Continue reading Some Things Take Time

Serial Continues! Other Man Pt. 2

Hey y’all.
This is the second installment of my experiment at serializing a relationship story. Please read the first one too! But because that’s a pain, here’s a quick recap: My friend Sarah has a cute British roommate Marge, who she drags out to a group movie outing with me and her bf Luke. I think Marge is intriguing, but also worry that she’s overly into Luke, but also do I even know ANYTHING? In the end I get her number in classic middle school fashion, from Sarah. We set up a legit date.

But first, I love this jam

Our first date is accidentally a trivia night.

Continue reading Serial Continues! Other Man Pt. 2

New Serial! The Other Man, pt 1

So, here’s what I’m gonna do.  I’m going to tell a story in pieces.  This way I can get this motherfucking blog back into the swing of shit.  This story is about a recent relationship, how it went wrong (or something), what I learned about myself from the experience (or something).  And HOPEFULLY, someone in the same situation can read this and recognize themselves in it, and gain some tiny bit of comfort.  Or maybe it’ll just quiet mah brain fever for a sec.

DAY 1:

Continue reading New Serial! The Other Man, pt 1